I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
