A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
