Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
