My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
