I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
