my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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