Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
