I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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