He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Randomize
