Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize