i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
