I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i wish my penis had a tongue
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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