Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
