she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
