In the future we'll all be gay
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm way too hungover for life right now
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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