Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize