if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize