I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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