I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
