hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
