you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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