Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
