Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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