I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
