one two three fourrrrnication!
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
