someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
