I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
