It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
How does one acquire holy water?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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