babies were throwing up all over the place
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
