i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
