I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
