He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize