we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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