I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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