I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
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