Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
