my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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