Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
