just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
