I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
