you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize