I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I think my vagina is haunted
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize