STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
