The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize