so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
