I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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