Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
How does it feel to date your dad?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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