There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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