i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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