I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
