All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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