I need to stop coming to work sober
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
