physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
