The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
