I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
