How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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