im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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