how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
