Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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