That's intense
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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