He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
