Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
