Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
