i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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