theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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