We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
