thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
