we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
