Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
