Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
