you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
