I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
