maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
