I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
