Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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