I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Are we still banned from the library?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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