i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
