shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
