Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
