dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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