Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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