apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
