i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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