I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
