Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
