My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
