Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
