All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
