I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Your cock deserves a montage
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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