i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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