so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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