Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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